


Get Yourself Arrested

by astrangerenters



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Chaos Theory, Crack, Friendship, Gen, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2013-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-23 07:15:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/619483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrangerenters/pseuds/astrangerenters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While all the staff seemed to remember that today was January the 25th, four other people in his life had not. No calls. No messages. Not even a Gourmet Cupcake of the Month subscription renewal notification from Aiba-chan. Sakurai Sho was 31 years old, and Arashi had completely forgotten him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Get Yourself Arrested

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by an episode of Community: Remedial Chaos Theory.

Sakurai Sho waited until he was clear of the set and in the safety of the green room alone before letting his frown become visible. He'd just completed filming an Experience the Unknown segment for Arashi ni Shiyagare, and while all the staff seemed to remember that today was January the 25th, four other people in his life had not.

No calls. No messages. Not even a Gourmet Cupcake of the Month subscription renewal notification from Aiba-chan.

Sakurai Sho was 31 years old, and Arashi had completely forgotten him.

He supposed it wasn't the best day. It was a Friday, and the members were obviously busy. Aiba-chan with his drama, the other three with various activities and personal appointments. But Sho had made a very concerted effort to clear his calendar for the evening of Friday the 25th. It had taken a lot of planning, rearranging drinks with college friends, scheduling other friends and colleagues all the way into March. All because Satoshi-kun had promised that "this year we'll treat Sho-kun to something nice."

He checked his watch. Well. It was already 9:00 PM, and in three hours his 31st birthday would be over and nothing had happened. He sighed, washing the makeup from his face and changing into his t-shirt, jeans, and coat. It was cold for January, and as he bid farewell to the staff, he sent a message to his manager saying that he was headed straight home from the NTV studios.

He was halfway to his car in the parking garage under the building when a dark black van came whipping around the corner, tires screeching against the concrete. Sho jumped back with a squeak, bracing himself on someone's Honda. As the van rolled up, coming to a squealing stop just in front of him, he wondered if he was about to be abducted. Held for ransom by some crazy fan or stalker or something. He hadn't even packed mace. Or an umbrella. Or anything to defend himself with.

But the van door slid open, and the first face he saw was Nino's.

"Get in, loser. It's your birthday."

\--

It turned out that the other members had not forgotten his birthday. In fact, they'd been planning this for weeks, Satoshi-kun informed him as Aiba drove the rented van out of the NTV parking lot.

"Ah, don't worry about your car," Nino said, wrapping an arm around Sho's shoulders. "Your manager knows we snatched you."

Sho was embarrassed. He'd been preparing a passive-aggressive speech to be delivered to his four bandmates in a few days when they would be filming some new episodes of VS Arashi. A speech that involved shaming them all in not so nice ways while at the same time alleging that he would get better at Cliff Climb if they just believed in him, etc etc.

Jun turned around in the front seat beside Aiba, frowning at him. "Look, we won't have you out all night."

"We know Sho-kun needs his beauty sleep," Satoshi-kun teased from the way back of the van, reaching forward to ruffle Sho's hair.

"It means a lot that you'd think of me," Sho admitted. "Thank you. All of you. I'm happy to spend my birthday with you guys, truly."

Aiba pulled out into the Shimbashi streets, weaving the van around slower cars. "Here's the deal. We're celebrating your birthday as a group, Sho-chan. Matsujun...the binder..."

Jun turned on the van's dome light and held up a bright red binder labeled "Sho-chan Birthday YAY!" in distinctly Aiba handwriting, rolling his eyes as he wiggled it. Sho noticed that the thing was completely taped shut with black electrical tape.

"We all paid for the van," Satoshi-kun explained, "but Aiba-chan did all the planning."

"Which I didn't agree to," Jun complained, trying to peel the tape off the binder. "What the hell did you do to this thing? For the record, I didn't sign off on whatever's in that binder, Sho-san."

"Ah ah ah," Aiba said, pulling the van over onto a side street and pulling into the parking lot of a family restaurant. If only the people inside could see them now - some of Japan's most famous idols, kidnapping a fellow member and driving through the streets of Tokyo in a van that screamed "SWAT team wannabes."

"Ah ah ah, huh?" Nino parroted back. "I don't like the sound of that. I thought we were just going to take him to a club and get him wasted."

Aiba put the van in park, snatching the binder out of Jun's hands before he could slap Aiba's fingers away. "Oh come on, when would I ever do something so boring when it comes to Sho-chan?" he cried, sending them all into a panic as he pulled out a switchblade and opened it up.

"Oh my god," Sho muttered, about to wet his pants. Who was this crazy driver and what had he done with Aiba Masaki?

Instead, Aiba sliced through all the tape holding the binder closed, smiling the whole time. "I don't just have one plan, I have six."

"Aiba-chan, let's not get ahead of ourselves," their leader warned them, leaning over the seat to wiggle his finger at Aiba in warning.

Aiba finally cracked the binder open and pulled a small die out of his pocket. He unbuckled his seat belt so he could lean back and drop it into Sho's palm. "Six plans," Aiba declared. "And we do whichever one Sho picks based on a roll of the dice. How's that for fun?"

"How's that for the dumbest thing I ever heard?" Nino complained, climbing over Sho awkwardly to get to the van's door. "Come on, Sho-chan, I'll take you to the club where the girls tweak your nipples as a special service..."

Aiba locked the van doors decisively, scowling at each of them. "Listen up," he said, and Sho thought he'd never heard Aiba sound so serious before in his life. "It's Sho-chan's 31st birthday, and you all totally agreed to let me come up with a plan. I promise it's going to be fun no matter how he rolls the dice, so just have a little faith in me. And have faith in Sho-chan."

"I don't know," Sho said quietly. "The nipple-tweaking club can't be that bad..."

"Haven't you seen, like, anything sci-fi ever?" Nino continued, lying completely across Sho's lap instead of putting forth the effort of getting back into his seat. "With a roll of a die you create alternate timelines!"

"Huh?" Ohno mumbled.

"There are six different outcomes when Sho-chan rolls that die," Nino said. "Six different futures of Arashi. Six different realities."

"This is reality, idiot," Jun grumbled.

"Fine," Nino said. "Go ahead, roll the dice. Take that chance. You're potentially changing all of our futures. And when that happens, the first person I am blaming is obviously Aiba-chan."

Aiba sighed. "Fine. We can go to the nipple club. And after all the hours I spent coming up with these ideas..."

All four of his bandmates were staring at him, waiting for an answer. Nino with irritation, Ohno with curiosity, Aiba-chan with hope, and Matsujun with...well, things had been kind of odd between the two of them lately. Sho didn't exactly have a word for what that look from Jun really meant. And besides it was his birthday and he didn't really have time to think about that right now.

"Think about your time stream, Sho-chan," Nino warned him.

"Hurry up," Jun said.

"Please, Sho-chan?" Aiba pleaded. 

Sho held out his hand. "I need a flat surface."

Aiba handed him the binder, and Sho rolled the dice.

\--

**ONE**

\--

"Snake eyes!" Aiba cheered.

"You need two dice for that, dumbass," Nino complained, getting up off of Sho's lap and curling up in the corner of the seat.

Aiba yanked the binder back from Sho lest anyone else be privy to his super secret Sho's 31st birthday plans. "Ah, plan number one. I like plan number one."

"People in the restaurant are starting to notice us, Masaki. We need to go," Jun complained.

"Okay, roger that!"

Sho looked at the small die in his palm, smirking to himself. Six different realities, huh? Well, whatever. One was just as good as any other number, right?

Aiba pulled the van back out of the parking lot and headed for the expressway going south. "I hope you all have money for the toll!"

"What the hell?" Jun grumbled.

"Ah, it's okay. It's for Sho-kun," Ohno said, although he certainly wasn't reaching for his wallet first. 

Reluctantly, Jun forked over the cash for the first toll, and they were on their way. Sho peered out the window at the bright city lights. They went south past the exit for Rainbow Bridge, on towards Kawasaki and out of the city. "Are we going where I think we're going?

Aiba giggled. "Maybe."

"Where does Sho-chan think we're going?" Nino asked.

"His dream date location," Jun admitted quietly.

"The beach? It's January!" Ohno gasped.

"The beach is not my dream date location." Sho looked at Jun oddly. "How did you...?"

Jun blushed and looked out the window. Sho ignored it, bouncing in his seat. "But how? How did you manage? They close at 9 PM!"

Aiba winked at Sho in the rearview mirror. Or, as usual, Aiba's closest approximation to a wink - he nearly rear ended someone in the process, swerving the van into another lane before they all crashed and died.

"Would someone tell us where we're going?" Nino shouted to be heard.

"Yokohama!" Sho said dreamily, staring out the van window. He was feeling so much better now that they were going on a driving date to Yokohama. Well, maybe not a real date since it was five guys, and they were all extremely famous. But how long had he hinted on variety shows and in magazines about this? Yokohama was the best! Like always, Aiba-kun had an eerie understanding of him, and this was already becoming the best birthday ever.

The giant ferris wheel, Cosmo Clock 21, closed at 9 PM but when they pulled into the parking lot near Cosmo World and started walking to the small amusement park, the wheel was still turning, as if it was waiting for Arashi's arrival.

Aiba had disguises for all five of them which mostly consisted of baseball caps and fake mustaches, though Jun had refused to wear one and opted for a face mask. It was a cold January night, and the rare couple out on a date that they spotted on their walk were too busy snuggling close for warmth than bothering to notice the five odd guys hurrying and shivering their way to the giant ferris wheel.

When they got into the official queue, a nervous-looking guy was moving from foot to foot, holding open the door on one of the passenger cars. Nino squished himself close to Sho, having obviously not worn a warm-enough coat. Aiba paid the man for their special after-hours fare and signed a completely against-company-policy autograph for the guy, but Sho was too happy to yell at Aiba for it.

The five of them boarded, Aiba and Ohno taking a seat on one side of the car, Jun sitting opposite Aiba and then Nino sitting next to Jun and yanking Sho down after him, clinging to him as his teeth chattered.

"We should have left you in the van," Jun muttered, his voice the slightest bit muffled by the mask. The cars weren't very well heated, but everyone save for Nino seemed to be in high spirits as the Cosmo Clock 21 lurched into action. What a special birthday surprise, a time for the five of them to simply enjoy the view of the harbor and one another's company without the studio lights or staff hovering around them.

"A single turn is fifteen minutes," Aiba said, waving the Sho birthday binder around while Ohno itched the fake mustache on his upper lip. "So I think that gives us each plenty of time to give Sho-chan a special birthday message. Who wants to start?"

Nino replied by pulling his legs up onto the car's bench and trying to strangle Sho with his own scarf. "I'm cold. Need this," he said, gagging Sho before finally untwisting it with zero grace and wrapping it around his own neck. "Okay, I'll start."

Sho rubbed his neck, coughing slightly. "You don't have to..."

Nino looked far more cozy now that he had Sho's scarf around his neck. "Sakurai Sho-san, my friend. If there's one thing you do, it's that you share. Whether it's your clothes or your food or your Jay-Z cds..."

"Wait a minute," Sho interrupted, "you took those? I've been looking everywhere..."

Nino smiled, snuggling up at Sho's side and pinching his chilly cheek. "Thanks for being such a good friend, Sho. Happy birthday. Oh. And I didn't get you a gift."

Sho blinked, at least appreciating Nino's warmth at his side as the other three seemed to be determining who would say something next. Ohno won (or lost?) and he got to his feet in the car as it rose higher and higher into the night sky. It was way easier on Sho's fear of heights if he was up high in the dark. Made it harder to see the ground.

"Ah, Sho-kun, today is your birthday. Happy birthday."

Sho nodded, smiling. And then Ohno sat right back down, immediately digging his nose.

This time Aiba got up without even giving Sho a chance to complain about the two rather lame birthday wishes he'd received so far. Cosmo Clock 21, Sho kept telling himself. He was in downtown Yokohama, enjoying the sights, enjoying everyone's company. So what if they hadn't bothered to prepare anything nice to say after all that, right? It wasn't really as half-assed as it sounded. When he thought back on it later, he'd be so happy, right?

"In the spirit of your birthday and the spirit of...acceptance and love," Aiba began, looking for some reason at Jun instead of at Sho, "I have decided to give my allotted birthday message time to Matsujun as I know he has something very important to say."

Sho watched Jun turn an odd shade of purple. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about," Jun seethed, getting to his feet and holding out his hands, the fine Italian leather-gloved fingers of his twitching as though he was about to strangle Aiba right there and then.

"This isn't the right time for that," Nino admonished, and Sho was increasingly confused.

"It's the perfect time," Aiba said. "It's Sho-chan's birthday!"

"Perfect time for what?" Sho asked, bewildered. "What's going on?"

Jun took a menacing step toward Aiba. "Sho-kun, I bought you a set of aromatherapy scented oils. I will be giving them to you next time I see you at work."

Sho was still confused because Jun wouldn't meet his eyes. "Um...thank you?"

Aiba wrapped an arm around Jun's waist, turning them. "Aw, come on, Matsujun...tell him how you really feel!"

"Don't bully him," Ohno complained.

Jun shoved Aiba off of him. "For the last time, no!"

Aiba shoved him back. "I just thought it would be easier if we were here to support you!"

"Well then you're an idiot!" Jun screamed, his voice cracking.

Nino shut his eyes. "Don't move so much, the car will shake!"

Sho got to his feet, grabbing hold of Aiba's arm. "What are you two arguing about?"

And that was when the Cosmo Clock 21 lurched to a halt, all the lights going dark. They were right at the top, their car swinging a bit in the cool winter winds.

"Oh god, we're going to die," Nino murmured.

Sho shut his eyes and fumbled his way back to his seat, nearly landing on Nino. As long as the ferris wheel was lit up, he was fine with the heights. As long as it was dark outside, he was fine with the heights. As long as the ferris wheel was moving, he was fine with the heights. 

Sho was no longer fine with the heights, reaching for Nino's hand and squeezing it in panic. Nino squeezed back hard enough to set Sho on course for a future of arthritis.

"Hmm," Ohno said. "Maybe it's stuck."

Whatever Jun and Aiba were arguing about was ignored in favor of Aiba frantically pressing the emergency call button near the door of the car. "Aiba-san!" came the voice of the nervous-looking fan-slash-operator way at the opposite end of the wheel. "Aiba-san, can you hear me?"

"We're stuck!" Aiba cried. "What's going on?"

"Ah, I'm terribly sorry, Aiba-san, Arashi-san. Please forgive me! My manager could see the ferris wheel lit up all the way from his apartment building. He's ordered me to shut down..."

Jun elbowed Aiba out of the way, pressing the call button. "Well I don't care what your manager said. Get us down!"

"But...but he'll notice the wheel moving...I'm not supposed to take on passengers this late, and I could lose my job."

"Well, we don't want him to lose his job," Ohno said. 

Jun seethed, fumbling with the handle on the door. "I will climb down there and kill him!"

"Don't open that door!" Nino and Sho screamed in panicked unison.

"But, uh..." the nervous fellow said, "maybe if we waited for some time I can let you down in say, an hour? Then my boss won't..."

"An hour?!" Jun cried. "We've got someone scared of heights up here!"

"Then maybe a ferris wheel wasn't your best option?" the operator replied back, and Ohno had to physically pull Jun away from the door before he kicked it open, pushing him back into his seat.

Ohno gave Aiba a shove too, pushing the call button and taking charge. If Sho wasn't so terrified for his life, he'd have let Satoshi-kun know how leaderly he was being right at that moment. "Very well," Ohno decided. "We will wait up here one hour, and then you'll let us down. And if not, Johnny's management will probably sell your organs on the black market for putting us in danger."

Aiba's eyes widened. "Would they really do that?" he asked as soon as the intercom went off.

Ohno just shrugged.

The minutes passed in an awkward silence. Sho was clinging to Nino, doing his best to keep from yelling at Aiba for his horrible, horrible planning skills. Of course, their previous "date" in Chiba had been courtesy of Aiba's planning skills, but there'd also been staff around to, obviously, ensure that places weren't going to shut down and leave them trapped at the top of a ferris wheel at the end of January in the dead of night with icy cold winds whooshing off of the bay at them.

Nobody had any snacks or water or anything, and Sho's stomach grumbled. He hadn't had a chance to eat dinner because of filming. This was pretty much the worst birthday ever.

After about 20 minutes of quiet, Aiba seemed to sense the negative feelings all around, deciding to be the first to try and break the tension. "We could, um, how about a round of magical banana?"

"No," replied four voices, shivering with cold.

"No magical banana," Aiba mumbled, adjusting his fake mustache. 

Another ten minutes passed.

"How about 31 reasons why Sho-chan is an awesome person?"

"No," replied three voices, shivering with cold. 

Sho himself was too cold and scared to take offense. He'd have time to be angry with them later once he had the ground under his feet. Well, he wouldn't be angry with all of them. Matsujun had said that he'd bought Sho some aromatherapy scented oils, which sounded pretty nice.

But Jun had been acting so strangely the whole evening, especially once Aiba started teasing him. What did he have to say, anyway? He wondered if it was something serious. If Jun was maybe...getting married?

He shut his eyes and frowned, ignoring the idea of Matsujun and marriage, wondering if icicles were going to form on his eyelashes at this rate. If his snot was going to freeze. If all five of them were going to freeze and die and become Arashi popsicles and oh, the fans would be so disappointed and...

Aiba got to his feet. "I have to go to the bathroom."

"Too bad," Nino said with a shiver. "Hold it. We're halfway through this stupid catastrophe of yours."

Ohno raised his hand for calm. "We shouldn't argue. This isn't totally Aiba-chan's fault."

"It's just _mostly_ Aiba-chan's fault," Jun grumbled.

Ohno got to his feet, sending Sho and Nino into an embarrassing display of pathetic whining. He stood on top of his seat, the car swinging precariously, and he slid open the window panel, letting in a burst of cold, cold air.

"The hell are you doing?" Sho complained.

Ohno gestured to the open window. "Aiba-chan, you can aim, can't you?"

"Oh god, he is not doing what I think you want him to do," Jun said, getting to his feet and swaying the car all the more.

"Stop moving," Nino begged them, burying his face in the scarf he'd stolen from Sho and would probably not be returning any time soon. In fact, Sho thought, Nino would probably wrap it up and give it to Sho as a present next year with a look of pride on his face.

For his part, Aiba looked eager to accept Ohno's challenge. "I can totally do it!"

"This is disgusting," Jun said in protest, moving to the other end of the car and looking the opposite way. Sho, cold and miserable and scared as he was, couldn't help being curious though. He, Ohno, and Nino watched in awe as Aiba unzipped his jeans and took aim at the open window.

Ohno moved back lest a blast of wind result in a nasty splash-back.

"One! Two! Go!" Ohno cheered.

And that was when the ferris wheel started to move again.

\--

It was a lot warmer in the Kanagawa Prefectural Police Department's holding cell, which made the smell of Aiba's urine on Sho's coat all the more noticeable. He wriggled out of the coat and tossed it in the corner, shuddering in disgust. 

A cute female police officer entered the cell, wiggling her nose the slightest bit at the smell, but brought around a tray of hot chocolate for each of them. "I'm very sorry about the inconvenience, Arashi-san."

"Thank you very much," they all said in varying degrees of politeness.

They'd been greeted at the bottom of the Cosmo Clock 21 by the nervous employee, his fuming boss, and two squad cars. Aiba still had his pants unzipped at the time. On account of their obvious fame, it appeared that they'd only spend a few hours at the police station, and no formal charges would be filed despite their illegal use of the ferris wheel after hours and Aiba's bribery of the employee. In the ride to the station, the officer had been a huge fan and had eagerly explained that he wouldn't even book Aiba for public urination.

Ohno was sleeping soundly, his body laid out across three chairs while Nino was standing at the bars of the cell using his charm to get the cute police officer to bring him some marshmallows for his hot chocolate. Aiba was being interviewed in another room, leaving Jun and Sho sitting next to each other on a bench at the opposite end of the holding cell.

"Some birthday, huh?" Jun mumbled, constantly sniffing his own coat in case there was a trace of Aiba pee on it. Sho was pretty certain that he and Nino had borne the brunt of Aiba Junior's misfire.

"No kidding," Sho replied, sipping the last of his hot chocolate. "Maybe we should have just gone to the club."

"And miss out on this wonderful opportunity to bond as a group?" Jun replied, his sarcasm thicker than Sho's scarf where it lay abandoned on top of his and Nino's pee-covered peacoats in the corner of the cell.

"We have good lawyers," Sho reassured him. "The press will never catch wind of this."

"Sho-san," Jun said quietly when the officers brought Aiba back and asked Nino to come for questioning.

"Hmm?"

Aiba was so tired that he collapsed on top of the coats and fell asleep immediately, clearly immune to the scent of his own bodily fluids. Sho shuddered.

Jun was looking embarrassed again, just like he had on the ferris wheel. "I do have something to say to you. But I just didn't want to say it in front of everyone."

"Are you getting married?" Sho blurted out, nearly crushing his empty cup in his hand. "I mean, it's great if you are and all..."

"I like you."

Sho stared straight ahead, watching Satoshi-kun blow snot bubbles in his sleep.

"Things have been a little strange between us lately," Jun admitted. "And I suppose it's my fault because I don't really know what to do about liking you. I mean, since we're grown men and Arashi and all, and I'd never want to make you feel uncomfortable. But well, now that I've seen you soaked in Aiba-kun's piss I suppose me admitting my feelings can't possibly be as uncomfortable as that, right?"

He finally turned to look at Jun, someone he'd known for more than half his life. Someone he'd liked for a long time but had never really known what to do about it. Was it the best time and place for a confession? Sho wasn't too sure. 

But he found himself reaching for Jun's hand anyway, squeezing his fingers even as one of Jun's obnoxious rings scraped his pinky. 

"I like you, too," he said, seeing visible relief cross Jun's face. "But this really was the worst birthday ever."

Jun laughed, slipping his hand away before someone out in the police squad room saw them. "I wonder what would have happened if you'd rolled something else on that die."

Sho smiled. "Well, nothing could be as bad as this, right?"

\--

Sho held out his hand. "I need a flat surface."

Aiba handed him the binder, and Sho rolled the dice.

\--

**TWO**

\--

Aiba held in a smile as Sho concentrated with all his might and rolled the dice. "Two!" Sho said.

Aiba yanked the binder back from Sho lest anyone else be privy to his super secret Sho's 31st birthday plans. "Ah, plan number two. I like plan number two."

Well, Aiba thought. Some of the other plans were more interesting, but plan number two really would give Arashi lots of time to celebrate Sho-chan. It was his special day after all, and it wouldn't be right if they didn't take the time to appreciate his place in their lives. Plus, the reward at the end of the night would totally be worth it, at least for Sho.

"People in the restaurant are starting to notice us, Masaki. We need to go," Jun complained.

"Okay, roger that!" Aiba said cheerfully, ignoring Jun's grumpy attitude. It was like the others didn't trust him to give Sho-chan the best birthday surprise of all time. And shame on them for thinking that way.

Aiba pulled the van back out of the parking lot and headed for the expressway going south. "I hope you all have money for the toll!"

"What the hell?" Jun grumbled.

"Ah, it's okay. It's for Sho-kun," Ohno said, although he certainly wasn't reaching for his wallet first. 

Reluctantly, Jun forked over the cash for the first toll, and they were on their way. Aiba didn't even need to open the binder to check the printed out directions - he'd been in close contact with Sho's grandma all week, and between the two of them, they'd hashed out the exact route to get them to her house just as the sun rose.

It would be perfect, Aiba decided. The van would arrive at her house, Grandma would welcome them inside for breakfast, and Sho would be super happy. He loved his grandma, Aiba knew, but he didn't get to see her as often as he liked. 

"Where are we going?" Nino asked, thumping the back of Aiba's driver's seat with his foot.

"It's a secret!" Aiba said as they continued along the highway. Sho would probably get an inkling of where they were going in a few hours if he wasn't asleep. He hoped most of the others would sleep through the night, just so he could focus on driving. It wasn't the easiest to drive on the highway through the mountains this late, and Aiba wasn't exactly used to the van yet. But he was a quick learner, he figured. How hard could it be?

Aiba was already itching to pull over at a rest stop and tug Leader and Nino aside so Jun could finally confess. What a great birthday surprise for Sho! A visit to his grandma in the countryside AND a love confession! It would be like some old movie. Not a movie Aiba could readily remember, but it was definitely movie-like. He looked over, seeing Jun staring out the window as the lights of Tokyo started to fade behind them.

For as long as Aiba had known Matsumoto Jun, he'd known that Jun wore his heart on his sleeve. It was obvious to, like, everybody that Jun had the hots for Sho-chan. It was hard not to, Aiba had to admit. If he was interested in guys, Sho would be quite the catch. Smart, handsome, well-mannered. And he'd stood by for far too long watching Jun pine after Sho but too embarrassed or shy to do anything about it.

He'd finally confronted Jun after a Himitsu share house filming the other day, telling him that Sho would be at his happiest and most receptive during his birthday. Wouldn't that be the best time to confess his feelings? Jun had tried to get all angry and deny what Aiba knew was true, but come on. 

"You bought him aromatherapy oils," Aiba had said during their confrontation. "You probably spent five hours at the store trying to scent-match him!"

"Six," Jun had admitted shyly.

Well, that was all Aiba had needed to hear. Since he knew Sho-chan as well as he knew Matsujun, it was obvious to, like, everybody that Sho had the hots for Jun too. Wearing purple ties on News Zero, the paparazzi photos from Aa, Kouya Sho thought he'd hidden well enough in his sock drawer at home. Aiba knew secret, yearning love when he saw it. And he was going to do something about it.

Because really, if they kept going on like this it was going to affect Arashi. Aiba needed to be their Cupid!

"You're driving kind of fast, Aiba-chan," Ohno noted from the back of the van. 

Aiba looked down at the speedometer - he was going 30 km over the limit. Yikes! He slowly eased off the gas pedal. Focus on the road, he told himself. It was all too easy to get caught up in his birthday plans for Sho and his matchmaking plans at the same time. That combined with the jumble of medical terms in his head that he had to keep track of for his drama was really starting to affect his concentration.

Now doing the speed limit, the others were starting to grow restless in the van. "How long is it going to be?" Sho asked, and even in the rearview mirror Aiba could notice Sho's gaze darting to Jun in the front seat every once in a while. So obvious!

"Ah, a long time. You should all take a nap."

"This is stupid," Jun pointed out. Always putting up a tough front, Aiba thought with a smile. But they'd get to Grandma's house and there'd be a feast waiting for them. With drama filming, Aiba hadn't had much time to enjoy a home-cooked breakfast in ages. Maybe he had selfishly designed plan number two with that in mind.

An hour passed, then two, and they were well out of Tokyo. It got slower going from here on out as the highway curved more, winding around mountains and into the more rural parts of Japan. Clusters of lights that signaled cities became lights that signaled towns. And then gradually the towns started to give way to smaller towns, bits of light with darkness in between them - mountain valleys, farmland. Stuff that wasn't exactly visible at this time of night.

There were fewer drivers on the road, which did make Aiba feel a little more confident driving the big van, if only because he was less likely to rear end anyone out here in the boonies. He looked back in the mirror again, and Leader was gone. Or more likely he'd unbuckled his seat belt in favor of laying down in the back row of seats. Sho was still a nervous bundle of energy, staring out the window trying to figure out where they were going, but his face was tired nonetheless. Nino was sprawled across Sho's lap at what looked to Aiba like an uncomfortable angle - but knowing Nino like he did, Nino was probably at the peak of comfort. He'd at least been decent enough to silence the sound on his game system, the faint glow of its screen enough of a distraction to make Aiba look straight out at the highway ahead.

"Still with me, Matsujun?" Aiba asked him.

Jun grumbled some kind of non-committal response, implying that even he had given in and was going to rest.

He'd gotten off the main highway ages back, the van twisting and turning around the back roads. And it was then that Aiba realized his fatal mistake - the rental van didn't come close to getting the same gas mileage his own car did. Even now as he blinked in horror at the gas level, the E for Empty was looming. Obviously he hadn't factored that in to his Route to Sho's Grandma's House travel itinerary.

"Crap," he muttered to himself, squinting out into the darkness. He'd gone through the outskirts of some village a while back, but he couldn't remember seeing a gas station. He took a quick look through the van once again - sleeping Leader, drowsy Sho, game-focused Nino, napping Jun. He smirked with a small bit of pride, pushing his foot down to speed up. The quicker they found a gas station and fueled up again, the better they'd be able to keep to the itinerary and make it to Grandma's in time. And all the better that they wouldn't find out how close they'd come to being stuck on the side of the road.

It was a race against the gas tank, Aiba decided. He wondered if he'd be able to sneak into Leader's wallet and use his money to buy the gas - after all, filling a gas tank on a van was way expensive and it was one of those things a leader was probably supposed to do and Ohno never did. It would be fair, Aiba figured, since he was doing all the driving and Ohno didn't even know how.

The van zoomed along, cresting a hill, and Aiba felt invincible. A road trip with his friends and colleagues (well, the ride back would form more of the road trip since they were mostly unconscious right now), a drama, another successful Arashi tour, the ability to know just what Sho would want for his birthday...everything was going his way.

So it took him another mile of speeding down the country road before he noticed the lights and the siren.

And of course Jun noticed first, reaching across the seat to give Aiba a really noisy and quite frankly unwarranted slap in the arm. "You're going 40 over! Are you insane?"

This woke the others. Even Nino perked up from his tiny screen. "I think siren means pull over, dumb ass."

Aiba felt his blood boil, reluctantly slowing the van down and pulling off into the gravel at the side of the road. The small police car pulled up behind him. Great. He killed the engine - didn't need to waste any gas while he negotiated with the officer. "I should never have fallen asleep," Jun was muttering.

He looked in his side mirror to see the man emerge from the car and come walking up. Aiba blinked a few times, hoping he didn't look drowsy or drunk or otherwise suspicious, and he rolled the window down. Behind him, Nino shivered and complained - he hadn't worn a warm enough coat.

The officer was middle-aged with a rather sour expression on his face. Aiba prepared his best "I'm in Arashi and this country loves me" smile as the officer approached.

"Do you know how fast you were going, sir?" the officer asked, Aiba's smile clearly not working.

In the backseat, the others remained completely silent, Sho most of all - he probably had the best reputation among them, and Aiba wished he'd open his mouth and say something.

Instead Jun started talking. "Officer, my name is Matsumoto Jun. I'm a member of Arashi."

The officer's face remained blank.

"Arashi?" Jun stuttered out. This must have gotten him out of some scrapes before, Aiba thought. "We're all Arashi, the five of us. Do you know Arashi?"

"What I know," the police officer interrupted, making Aiba's hands shake on the steering wheel, "is that your driver here was disobeying the posted speed limit signs. And that's something we take seriously here in Kiso District."

"Where the hell is that?" Ohno called from the back of the van, having picked the absolute worst time to wake up with a question.

Aiba tried to smile and placate the officer. It didn't work. The man leaned against the van, scowling at each of them in turn. "Kiso District, Nagano Prefecture. Step out of the van, please."

"Huh?" Aiba asked. For speeding? "Can't you just give us a ticket? We have to get somewhere..."

The officer didn't blink. "It's 1:30 in the morning. You guys drug runners?"

"We're not drug runners!" Jun howled, smacking the dashboard. "We're Arashi! Celebrities! We're on TV!"

Nino leaned forward and shoved his hand over Jun's mouth before he said anything else horrible, and Aiba nervously held up his hands. "Okay, okay, I can get out of the van. I'm sorry, we're all very sorry, Officer."

The second his boots hit the gravel the police officer shoved him against the hood of the van. "What kinda drugs you bringing to my town?"

Aiba squealed in surprise, keeping his hands up. "I swear, it's not drugs. You really don't know who we are?"

Sho pulled open the van door slowly, poking his head out. Aiba felt awful - his birthday celebration was definitely not going according to plan. "Officer, I assure you. We're not involved in drug trafficking. We're celebrating my birthday."

"Oh yeah?" the officer said, "And where are you going?"

Sho's face froze, and Aiba's embarrassment and fright made him so scared he was about to pee. "Actually it's supposed to be a surprise," Aiba said. "For Sho-chan's birthday. So I can't tell you."

The officer picked up his walkie-talkie. "This is car 3, I'm going to need a van at mile marker 21. Got five troublemakers disturbing the peace out here."

"Nooooo!" Sho cried. "No, you can't arrest us!"

"Aiba-chan, just tell him where we're going!" Jun shouted, having dislodged Nino's tiny hands from his face with a well placed scratch of his fancy rings.

Aiba clasped his hands together. "Officer, this is all a misunderstanding!"

"Call our management," Sho pleaded. "Please!"

And then Ohno stepped out of the van. "I'm the leader. Let them go please."

The officer's eyes widened. "Kaibutsu-kun!"

Ohno smiled at the recognition. 

"Kaibutsu-kun, I'm very sorry, but you're still under arrest."

\--

It was a lot warmer in the Nagano Prefectural Police Department's holding cell, which sure beat shivering in the cold where the police officer had made Aiba wait until his backup arrived. Kaibutsu-kun or no, Aiba was getting booked for speeding and the other four for allegedly "resisting arrest." On the ride to the station, Matsujun would not stop complaining about the police officer being "mad with power."

A cute female police officer entered the cell, bringing around a tray of hot chocolate for each of them. "I'm very sorry about the inconvenience, Arashi-san."

"Thank you very much," they all said in varying degrees of politeness.

The other four had used their one phone call to get in touch with their managers, who were already on the way out in company cars and lawyered up. It was now Aiba's turn to make his call, and he took his cup of hot chocolate with him as he followed the cute young woman out of the cell to a filthy looking green pay phone in the corner of the station.

He'd tried so hard to make this work, to put together a special night for Sho-chan and he'd completely failed. And until the lawyers arrived, Arashi had police records. They'd been photographed and fingerprinted, and the mean officer had yelled at Aiba for flashing a peace sign during his mugshot photo. It wasn't like Aiba could help it - he'd spent more than half his life posing for pictures. These things just came naturally.

He was sniffling a little bit when he picked up the phone receiver, dialing the number out of the Sho-chan birthday binder. It was past 3:00 in the morning now, and he was a terrible person for calling, but if he didn't, then she'd never know they weren't going to make it.

It took six rings before he finally heard a tired, scratchy voice. "Good morning, Sakurai residence."

"Ah, Grandma? Hello, sorry for calling at such a bad time. It's Aiba Masaki."

"Oh! Masaki-chan!" she said, all traces of tiredness gone in an instant. "Are you getting close? Does my Shochi know you're coming to visit?"

Aiba sniffed again. "Grandma, I messed up. I'm so sorry, we won't be able to make it." Because we're in jail, he almost said, clapping his hand over his mouth before he gave the poor old woman a stroke.

"Masaki-chan," she chided him. "You boys are so busy, I've always known that. You never have to apologize to me if you have to cancel plans."

"But Grandma..."

"We'll have a party some other time, I just know it. Give Shochi all my love, will you?"

"I will, Grandma."

The line went dead, and Aiba wiped his eyes. He downed the rest of his hot chocolate and headed back for the holding cell, his sneakers scuffing against the floor in his frustration. But when he arrived back at the cell, Nino and Leader were both sleeping awkwardly in the plastic chairs - and Sho-chan and Matsujun were holding hands!

He watched them both exchange a very significant glance before their hands separated hurriedly as they seemed to sense Aiba approaching. Well, Aiba thought. They'd been arrested, and Sho's birthday was a bust, but other things had seemed to work themselves out.

He wondered if this would have even been possible if Sho had rolled a different number.

\--

Sho held out his hand. "I need a flat surface."

Aiba handed him the binder, and Sho rolled the dice.

\--

**THREE**

\--

"Three, huh," Sho muttered as soon as the die settled.

Ohno watched Aiba yank the binder back from Sho lest anyone else be privy to his super secret Sho's 31st birthday plans. "Ah, plan number three. I like plan number three."

"People in the restaurant are starting to notice us, Masaki. We need to go," Jun complained.

"Okay, roger that!"

Ohno leaned back and smiled. As the only person in the way back of the van, he already had some idea of what plan number three entailed. There was a large garbage bag in the rear of the vehicle behind him, a piece of paper labeled "PLAN 3 - DO NOT OPEN UNLESS YOU ARE AIBA" pinned to it. When they'd piled in the van earlier that evening, Ohno had seen an ugly blonde wig sticking out of it and he'd been pulling for plan three to be the winner out of sheer curiosity.

Aiba pulled the van back out of the parking lot and headed for the expressway going west across the city. "I hope you all have money for the toll!"

"What the hell?" Jun grumbled.

"Ah, it's okay. It's for Sho-kun," Ohno said agreeably, although he hoped somebody else would pay. He'd just bought five new fishing rods through Yahoo Auctions. Five because he couldn't really narrow it down. These things happened.

Reluctantly, Jun forked over the cash for the first toll, and they were on their way. While everyone else tried to pester Aiba into explaining what the mysterious plan was, nobody paid attention to Ohno. Which was fine. He usually didn't have too much to say, so he was used to them ignoring him. And this enabled him to yawn, stretch his arms over his head, letting one of them fall behind the seat to slightly tug the bag open.

The blonde wig wasn't alone. No, there was an array of ugly wigs in the bag, and beneath them, ugly looking sequins. Even in the relative darkness of the van Ohno could spot an ugly costume. After all, he was a member of Johnny's Jimusho and had spent the better part of his life wearing ugly costumes.

Aiba managed to keep his mouth shut all the way to Shinjuku, the van slowly lurching through the evening traffic. Even in the cold January night the streets were packed with salarymen off to drink, tourists and their cameras documenting every neon-lit building, and young people off to the clubs. 

Matsujun's ire was quickly raised when they made it to a red light. "You could have sprung for a van with tinted windows," he said, turning up the collar of his coat. Of the five of them, his face was usually the most difficult to disguise.

"What are we doing in Kabukicho anyway? Are we picking up girls?" Nino asked.

Aiba shook his head.

"Are we picking up guys?" Nino murmured.

Aiba said nothing.

"Oh my god, we're picking up _guys_ ," Nino said, and Sho raised his hand like he was in a classroom.

"Uh, Aiba-chan, what exactly are we doing?"

But Aiba stayed quiet, driving through the narrow streets, and fortunately the sights of the neighborhood - the restaurants, the arcades, the nightclubs - were enough to keep the attention of everyone outside the van. It allowed Aiba to pull into an even smaller street, maneuvering the van into a parking garage below one of the buildings. He then ordered everyone to take off their coats and leave them in the van.

"Where are we?" Sho asked, looking almost as nervous as Matsujun, following right behind him. In TV Land Ohno was credited with being the world's most unobservant person. But in real life, he'd have to be blind and deaf to not see what was happening under his nose. Arashi had been around for so long, and maybe the opportunity had presented itself before but neither of them had taken it. But lately, just lately, Ohno thought that maybe a thing was about to happen between Sho-kun and Matsujun, and nothing would make him happier.

For one thing, it would get them off his back. It was like they funneled all their obvious lust for one another into paying attention to Ohno, and he'd been the recipient of one too many awkward hugs from Matsujun, one too many dances on TV with Sho-kun that ended with Sho on his knees with his face at Ohno's crotch. Ohno just didn't go that way, and he didn't want to hurt their feelings, not ever. Surely they'd eventually figure out they belonged with each other instead.

Aiba opened the back door of the van, taking out the garbage bag and hugging it to him like a giant pillow. A giant pillow full of wigs and women's clothing.

"My friend is very discrete," Aiba said. "He's going to help us out."

Though the others didn't seem to know what was going on, Ohno did. One night during a tour, sitting at some hotel bar way down in Fukuoka, Sho had confessed to Ohno how much he loved to crossdress. Any time they cosplayed in ladies' attire on television, Sho made a big stink about it - but secretly, nothing made him much happier than parading around in a dress and heels once in a while. At the time, Ohno had not known what to say beyond "that's nice, Sho-kun."

Now Ohno realized that he had let Sho's secret slip out to Aiba-chan one night during some other tour, sitting at some hotel bar way up in Sapporo. And Aiba hadn't forgotten it.

They dutifully followed Aiba into an elevator despite their best judgment because if anything, Arashi was not a group that rocked the boat. If it was for Sho's birthday, they'd behave. They would go along with it no matter what, even if they were screaming inside. Which Nino now clearly was, his eyes darting back and forth from Aiba's satisfied smirk to the wig hair sticking out of the bag.

Aiba's "discrete friend" turned out to be some high school friend of his who'd left Chiba for the bright lights of the Tokyo gay bar scene. When Aiba announced that they were all going to walk the streets of Kabukicho in drag in honor of Sho's birthday and as a means of building group unity, Matsujun looked ready to throw himself out the window.

"We'll get caught!" was Nino's complaint.

"I hate nylons!" was Jun's.

But Ohno could see the tiny spark in Sho's eyes, the hopeful spark there at Aiba's sensitivity to his true feelings, at Aiba's understanding of his heart. It was enough to make Ohno step up and open the garbage bag, pulling out a schoolgirl uniform and a blonde wig tied in pigtails.

"Happy birthday, Sho-kun." He tugged the wig on over his hair. "Let's do this."

\--

"You're an ugly woman," Nino was telling Aiba as the five of them shivered their way down the street in the awkward stiletto heels Aiba's friend had lent them.

"You're an uglier woman," Aiba shot back, hiding behind Sho so he could adjust himself under his skirt.

"You're both ugly!" Jun said angrily, crossing his arms over the falsies Aiba's friend had also provided, his teeth chattering in the cold. 

They sure made for quite the group, stumbling their way down the narrow streets as drunken men catcalled after them or simply stared. That nobody had discovered they were Arashi yet was a real testament to the makeup skills of Aiba's friend. Even now Ohno was regretting having rubbed his eyes, knowing he probably had a streak of mascara on his face.

For his part, Sho was quiet, and most likely because he was clearly the prettiest. Aiba had saved a blue wig for him that matched the blue sash with "It Is Today My Birthday!" written in English on it draped around him. Sho had not received a cheap schoolgirl uniform or policewoman costume from the garbage bag - instead he was elaborately done up in a Lolita-style dress from Aiba's friend's collection and carrying a matching parasol. At least four guys had propositioned him already, and Ohno had to hide a smile at the embarrassed joy on his friend's face.

"How much longer are we going to be out here?" Nino whined. "My legs are freezing."

Aiba rolled his eyes, twirling one of the braids of his brunette wig. "Until Sho-chan is satisfied."

"What do you mean satisfied?" Nino shot back. "Satisfied meaning happy or satisfied meaning someone takes him home and spanks him with that parasol?"

At that Ohno wanted to say something, but Jun beat him to the punch, thwacking Nino in the ass with the nightstick from his policewoman costume. "On your birthday we can all sit around in sweatpants while you play games and then take a nap," he said angrily. "But it's not your birthday."

"It is today my birthday," Sho said quietly, running his fingers over the English on his sash, his ruby red lipsticked mouth quirking upward at the corners.

Eventually Aiba announced that he had to pee, so Sho decided that they'd had enough fun. Although Ohno wouldn't exactly describe the feeling of his feet in four-inch heels as "fun." They walked past a few host clubs before turning down an alleyway, a shortcut back to the building where Aiba's friend lived.

Unfortunately, they bumped right into two actual policemen on the beat, Sho accidentally beaning one of them in the head with his parasol as he tried to cover his face.

"I'm sorry!" Sho said in embarrassment, and the five of them looked straight down. 

"What's all this then?" the first cop asked. Ohno looked over, saw that the police were giving Nino and Jun angry stares. They were both in miniskirt police outfits, after all.

"Looks like they're impersonating officers of the law to me."

"We're going to a costume party," Nino said, and Ohno noticed that he'd changed his voice a bit, sounding not very much like Ninomiya Kazunari from Arashi.

"It's just a joke," Aiba chimed in, looking like he desperately needed to scratch himself and only the existence of the cops in front of him kept him from doing so.

The cops were apparently not in a joking mood. "We've had reports of five male prostitutes in the area trying to solicit."

"We're not prostitutes!" Jun said, eyes flashing angrily and impulsively reaching for his nightstick. Which was really the worst thing he could have done, especially since Sho had already hit one of them with his parasol.

In seconds the cops had them facing the wall, legs spread. Aiba was still complaining about needing to pee.

\--

It was a lot warmer in the Shinjuku Police Department's holding cell, which sure beat shivering in the cold in stilettos. Although Ohno wished they'd allowed them to stop back at Aiba's friend's place to get their own clothes. Especially because he'd had 5000 yen and his Tsuri King fishing store loyalty card in the back pocket of his jeans. He was only two stamps away from a new lure!

A cute female police officer entered the cell, bringing around a tray of hot chocolate for each of them. "I'm very sorry about the inconvenience, Arashi-san."

"Thank you very much," they all said in varying degrees of politeness.

Ohno had been very amused by the look on the two officers' faces once the five of them had been seen under the lights of the police station. There'd been tons of apologies and a laughed off explanation from Aiba that it was a prank being filmed by a secret camera for one of their variety shows. Lying to the police didn't sit too well with Ohno, but it sure was better than the alternative - trying to explain that one of Japan's top idols was really into crossdressing, and the rest of them were in women's clothing in solidarity with him.

Their managers would be arriving shortly, and Nino and Aiba-chan had both been given permission to leave the cell for a bathroom break. That left Ohno draped in a very unlady-like manner across three of the chairs inside the cell, not really caring if any of the officers out in the squad room walked by and saw him. He was tired, and his feet were screaming. How did girls get used to walking around in these things? 

While Ohno faded in and out of consciousness, his vision blurry, he thought that Sho (sitting beside Matsujun in the back corner of the cell and away from prying eyes) looked a bit like a wedding cake topper. He also thought he briefly saw Jun run the cool metal of the fake police handcuffs from his costume up and down Sho's bare arm. 

When Sho put up his parasol, blocking the two of them from view completely, Ohno turned his head away and smiled. Finally! And it had only taken the five of them getting arrested for lewd behavior for the two of them to finally make their feelings known.

He wondered if this would have even been possible if Sho had rolled a different number.

\--

Sho held out his hand. "I need a flat surface."

Aiba handed him the binder, and Sho rolled the dice.

\--

**FOUR**

\--

Nino frowned when the die landed on four. Clearly nobody in this van gave a crap about all the doors that had just closed. Or, in fact, opened. Somewhere, five other universes were running parallel to their own. In one universe, Sho-chan had rolled a one. In another, two. In yet another, three. And on and on. Nino crossed his arms, thoroughly displeased at the unnecessary and unplanned deviation of his own time stream.

Even now there were five other Ninos in five other timelines doing who knows what. He slunk down in his seat in protest. If Nino's time stream required a necessary split, a road not taken, he wanted it to be on his own terms. And especially not Aiba's.

Aiba yanked the binder back from Sho lest anyone else be privy to his super secret Sho's 31st birthday plans. "Ah, plan number four. I like plan number four."

"People in the restaurant are starting to notice us, Masaki. We need to go," Jun complained.

"Okay, roger that!" Aiba said cheerfully, clearly happy with himself for the chaos he'd indirectly created with this stupid plan.

Aiba pulled the van back out of the parking lot and headed for the expressway going south. "I hope you all have money for the toll!"

"What the hell?" Jun grumbled.

"Ah, it's okay. It's for Sho-kun," Ohno said, although he certainly wasn't reaching for his wallet first. 

Nino could see that Sho was happy, clearly happier than he'd been all day. Because Nino, of course, had spies at NTV who had spent the whole day watching Sho be sad and miserable, thinking Arashi had forgotten about his special day. Which was completely absurd - every magazine interview they ever had in January came with a birthday cake for Sho. How could they possibly forget him? For someone smart like Sho, it often amazed Nino when he had spurts of idiocy. 

But he was happy that Sho was happy, and he supposed if that meant that his time stream was potentially screwed over, it was just the way things had to go.

He pulled his 3DS out of his jacket pocket, shivering a bit. Aiba usually wasn't a cheapskate - would it kill him to turn the heat up in the van a little bit? Nino sprawled across Sho's lap, focusing on the bright colors of the screen as Sho obliged his need for comfort. Behind them, he could hear Ohno snoring, and in front of him he listened with amusement as J tried to keep Aiba from dropping hints about his undying love for Sho.

Nino was no fool. One of these days Jun was just going to have to say something about it. Or maybe Sho-chan would first. The pair of them could be so honest and blunt about some things, but it seemed that being honest and blunt with one another was not in the cards. And so Nino lay with his head in Sho's lap, waiting to see if Jun would do something about it. 

Between Nino's gentle encouragement and Aiba's all-too-obvious "don't you have something important to tell Sho-chan?" teasing, tonight would hopefully be the night. Then all five of them could move on with their lives and not have to endure much more of the "will they, won't they" straight out of some bad drama series. He loved Sho and J, he truly did, and if he really loved them, he'd let them figure things out themselves. 

But sometimes love means forcing your band members into a rented van with a musty smell in hopes of pushing one into confessing to another. Nino thought it would all take place at the nipple-tweaker club, but now he had no damn idea where they were going.

Soon enough Aiba pulled off the highway just north of the Yokohama downtown. Hmm, maybe they'd go to a Chinese restaurant, get a private room. He wouldn't put it past Aiba to sneak Sho a fortune cookie that said boning a close friend was in his immediate future. Instead they pulled up to a strip mall, Nino saving his game as Aiba pulled the van into a parking spot.

"Everybody out!" Aiba cheered. Jun grumbled something obnoxious in response.

"Won't they know who we are?" Ohno mumbled behind them.

Aiba dug around in a small bag at J's feet, wiggling a package of fake mustaches. "See, fool proof!"

Nino had known Aiba for the better part of his life, and he hadn't met anyone else in Johnny's who was that terrible at disguising himself. Sho fidgeted underneath Nino. "Why are we at a fireworks store?"

"Because we're going to set them off on the beach, duh. Now come on, everybody out!" Aiba said, flinging a mustache at each of them. J rolled his eyes, opting instead for a spare face mask he had stashed in his very warm-looking coat. Nino kind of wanted to swap coats with him, but he doubted he'd get his way.

Four of them mustached (and one of them masked), they exited the van and headed into the fireworks store. It was January 25th, almost January 26th, and it was clearly not fireworks weather. For one, it was not summer. And for two, Nino realized as he ran his ass off from the vehicle and into the shop, it was windy and cold and they weren't going to be able to light much of it too well.

And yet Sho was smiling under his mustache. A fireworks date with his four favorite people. Guy was over the moon, Nino saw, and decided to be a little less disagreeable. After all, fireworks weren't so bad compared to what the Nino in another universe might have been suffering through. Who knew what else was in that awful garish binder Aiba insisted on carrying with him?

Together they managed to pick out some decent fireworks, and to everyone's surprise, Leader actually paid for them. Nino was mostly surprised he even carried some cash on him.

So with hope and ambition and best wishes for Sho in their hearts, they departed the store together. The double doors at the front whooshed open, and joy turned into chaos. How had they not even seen them coming? 

Twenty, no thirty...hell, maybe there were fifty of them out here, and no mustache, fake or otherwise, was enough to fool them. Female fans, screaming at the top of their lungs as soon as Sho came out wearing the bizarre "It Is Today My Birthday!" sash Aiba had stashed somewhere in the van earlier over his coat.

"Oh god, run!" Aiba screamed, immediately losing any cool he had. Jun gave Sho a push, nearly knocking him into the van as they struggled to get the door open. The crush of the girls around them made breathing hard really quickly. He thought he felt someone trying to yank his jeans off his ass, but it was just Leader desperate to cling to him as they fought against the onslaught.

"Arashi! Arashi!" they were screaming. "Arashi!" And it was like a homing beacon - Nino could hear more of them coming, ready to do unspeakable things to them. In five other universes, Nino was probably safe from this, he hoped. Even if this universe's Nino - Nino Prime, he liked to think - didn't make it, maybe it was okay that five of him would live on in parallel dimensions.

Somehow they got into the van, Nino nearly pulling the van door shut on some girl's hand after she screamed "I want your babies!" in his face. Aiba turned the key in the ignition and the four of them hit the deck as some of the overzealous fans knocked on the windows. Some were scrambling onto the hood, pounding on the windshield with their fists in crazed happiness. 

"This is the worst birthday ever!" Sho proclaimed from the floor of the van, his stupid sash somehow wrapped around Leader's neck and choking him.

"Don't worry, I'll go to plan B!" Aiba said.

"What's plan B?" Jun howled. "I hope it involves us getting the hell out of here!"

Nino looked at Aiba, his hands shaking as he tried to shift gears. "Masaki!" Nino shouted, "you've got it in Drive!"

"I'm backing up!" he was too busy screaming at one of the insane fans clinging to the windshield. "Move!"

"Put it in reverse!" Nino screeched. "IN REVERSE!"

But then Aiba's foot slammed down on the accelerator.

Thump. "Arashi! Ara-" Tha-thump!

And then there was the horrific squeal of the van tires as they jumped the curb.

Sho pulled his sash off, getting to his knees to look out the window as the swarm started to back away, horror in their eyes.

Aiba covered his mouth, turning his head to stare at them.

"Ohhhhhh shiiiiii-"

\--

It was a lot warmer in the Kanagawa Prefectural Police Department's holding cell, though Nino was still a little too shell-shocked to appreciate it. If Aiba had gone any faster, he'd be facing vehicular manslaughter charges right now. Fortunately, the injured girl would live to wave her Sakurai Sho uchiwa another day. The fans gathered around the van had cushioned her fall.

A cute female police officer entered the cell, bringing around a tray of hot chocolate for each of them. "I'm very sorry about the inconvenience, Arashi-san."

"Thank you very much," they all said in varying degrees of politeness.

The four of them could still hear Aiba's high-pitched wails of apology in the interrogation room. Nino was pretty sure that Aiba was going to be set free on a self-defense argument if the lawyers from Johnny's management got their way. And the psycho fans would be easily placated by free tickets to Arashi's next concert. Although Nino didn't like the thought of any of those females watching him in the crowd, trying to climb the moving stage and pull his pants down. Why were they so interested in his pants?

Despite the traumatic experience, Leader was completely asleep, his body draped awkwardly across three chairs. Nino could hear J and Sho behind him, sequestered in the corner as if to distance themselves from the rest of the group and the crazy evening. He couldn't blame them. He got to his feet, shuffling up to the bars of the holding cell.

"Excuse me!" he called, waving at the female officer. "Is there any way I could get more marshmallows?"

As she opened the cell door and let him follow her to the station's kitchen and the promise of sugary goodness, Nino looked back over his shoulder just in time to see Sho's fingers wrap around Jun's hand. About damn time.

He wondered if this would have even been possible if Sho had rolled a different number.

\--

Sho held out his hand. "I need a flat surface."

Aiba handed him the binder, and Sho rolled the dice.

\--

**FIVE**

\--

It was a lot warmer in the Nagano Prefectural Police Department's holding cell, at least compared to the thirty minutes they'd spent shivering in the cold, gasoline-less van on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. Jun scowled at Aiba from across the cell. It was his fault after all, not realizing that taking a long road trip meant planning stops at a gas station from time to time. They were just lucky that police officer had pulled over, offering them a ride. 

None of them could get a signal on their cell phones, so nobody from management would be able to come get them until morning, Jun suspected. The town they'd ended up in was so small and remote it didn't have an inn of any sort. And even if they were Arashi, it was rude to impose on strangers. The five of them would just have to spend the night here.

A cute female police officer entered the cell, bringing around a tray of hot chocolate for each of them. "I'm very sorry about the inconvenience, Arashi-san."

"Thank you very much," they all said in varying degrees of politeness.

Another officer came in with some pillows and blankets for them, and as they started to arrange themselves on the cold, concrete floor of the cell (save for Leader who said he'd be fine sleeping across the chairs), Jun found himself growing a bit red in embarrassment. Because for some reason - he suspected Nino and Aiba's intervention - he and Sho would be spending the night side by side. And Jun knew how he slept. He tossed, he turned. If he rolled just the right way he'd probably end up in Sho's personal space. And how exactly could he explain that?

The police officers shut out the lights and headed out for the night, locking them in for privacy. The town was so small they apparently didn't feel the need for 'round the clock police service. Jun curled up awkwardly on the blankets, feeling the unforgiving floor under his hips. He draped his coat over himself for extra warmth, listening to the others slowly fall asleep.

He, of course, stayed wide awake, stuck with his paranoia. He'd known all along that this special birthday extravaganza for Sho was just Aiba's creepy way of trying to hook them up. Aiba seemed to be convinced that Sho would be at his very nicest and most receptive on his birthday with all attention on him. Jun wished he hadn't come along, wished he'd found an excuse to back out and meet with Sho-kun on his own terms.

They'd gone out to dinner plenty of times in the past few years, talking business and Arashi and the unknown future. Sure, he'd always liked Sho - Jun had a hard time compartmentalizing his feelings where Sho was concerned. He had just grown better at hiding them. But now here he was, lying on the floor of a police station, and Aiba and Nino were already curled up away from them like a pair of dumb, meddlesome puppies.

Jun tried to listen close for the sounds of Sho's snoring. It was hard to miss, after all. But no snoring, not a trace of it. Now or never, Matsumoto, he told himself.

"Sho-kun?" he whispered.

He heard the rustling of Sho's jacket beside him, so close he shut his eyes and tried to ignore how it excited him. "Matsujun?"

"Some birthday, huh?" 

"No kidding," Sho replied, his whispers in the dark enough to make Jun's heart race. "Maybe we should have just gone to that club Nino was talking about."

"And miss out on this wonderful opportunity to bond as a group?" 

"We have good people looking out for us," Sho reassured him with a quiet chuckle. "The press will never catch wind of this."

"Sho-san," Jun said quietly when he heard noisy, real snores coming from the Aiba-and-Nino direction.

"Hmm?"

"I have something to say to you. But I just didn't want to say it in front of everyone."

"Are you getting married?" Sho blurted out, almost too loudly. "I mean, it's great if you are and all..."

Was that what he'd been thinking this whole time? That Jun didn't have feelings for him?

He decided to be straightforward.

"I like you. Things have been a little strange between us lately," Jun admitted. "And I suppose it's my fault because I don't really know what to do about liking you. I mean, since we're grown men and Arashi and all, and I'd never want to make you feel uncomfortable. But well, now that we're sleeping on the floor of a police station I suppose me admitting my feelings can't possibly be as uncomfortable as that, right?"

Sho fumbled in the dark for Jun's hand, squeezing his fingers. Jun could hear Sho wince as he scraped his finger on one of Jun's rings.

"I like you, too," Sho admitted, and Jun had never felt so relieved in his entire life. "But this really was the worst birthday ever."

Jun laughed shyly, tightening his grip on Sho's hand. He wondered just how out of it Nino and Aiba actually were. Now that he'd confessed, now that Sho had gone ahead and confessed right back, the temptation to act on it...to finally do something was a bit overwhelming. "I wonder what would have happened if you'd rolled something else on that die."

Sho smiled. "Well, nothing could be as bad as this, right?"

It was then that the blast from the alien mothership zapped the roof off of the police station, and all five of them screamed. No wonder they couldn't get a word through to Tokyo, Jun thought in panic as he stared up into the bright lights. 

"I take it back!" Sho screamed as soon as the alien tractor beam locked onto him, pulling him up and off the floor of the police station. "About nothing being as bad. Because this is really bad!"

"We have to help him!" Jun shouted, all four of them getting to their feet and trying to tug Sho back to the ground with them. Unfortunately this made them four easy targets. Additional tractor beams locked on, and Jun could no longer struggle, the blinding lights of the alien vessel and the bitter chill of the January air numbing him as he was pulled up into the ship.

Even now he could see other ships dotting the night sky, beaming other defenseless Japanese folks out of their homes. It was a complete and utter invasion, and Jun wouldn't have believed it possible even five minutes earlier. Except for the fact that he was currently being, obviously, abducted.

When all five of them were aboard and a green-skinned alien with black, cavernous eyes looked down at them with a quirk to his blood-red lips, Nino elbowed Aiba in the side.

"Told you we should have gone to the nipple-tweaking club."

\--

Sho held out his hand. "I need a flat surface."

Aiba handed him the binder, and Sho rolled the dice.

\--

**SIX**

\--

Aiba yanked the binder back from Sho lest anyone else be privy to his super secret Sho's 31st birthday plans. If Sho didn't know any better, he thought Aiba's face was looking downright naughty. "Ah, plan number six. I like plan number six."

"People in the restaurant are starting to notice us, Masaki. We need to go," Jun complained.

"Okay, roger that!"

Sho looked at the small die in his palm, smirking to himself. Six different realities, huh? Well, whatever. Six was just as good as any other number, right? 

Aiba pulled the van back out of the parking lot and headed for the expressway going west across the city. "I hope you all have money for the toll!"

"What the hell?" Jun grumbled.

"Ah, it's okay. It's for Sho-kun," Ohno said, although he certainly wasn't reaching for his wallet first. 

Reluctantly, Jun forked over the cash for the first toll, and they were on their way. But they weren't on the highway for long. In fact, the exit was kind of familiar. The first few turns were equally familiar.

"Aiba-chan," Sho said. "Are we going where I think we're going?"

Aiba snickered a little bit. "Maybe."

"Where?" Satoshi-kun asked from the back seat. "Where are we going?"

It wasn't the nipple-tweaking club. It wasn't some elaborate crazy Aiba road trip. Sho couldn't help but smile even as he was curious and a bit confused when Aiba pulled the van into the garage underneath an apartment building.

Nino sighed. "Why bother renting the van if we were just going to come here?"

"The only reason we're here," Aiba said, putting the van in park, "is because Sho-chan rolled a six. It's just fate that landed us here."

"More like math," Jun said from the front seat. "Probability."

"Yeah yeah, whatever," Aiba said. "Everybody out!"

Aiba grabbed a garbage bag from the rear of the van, and the four of them followed him to an elevator. "Welcome to my place!" Aiba said as soon as they got upstairs, and he unlocked the door to his apartment. He handed Sho a very bizarre sash that read "It Is Today My Birthday!" in English, and Nino helped him to put it on. Once inside the apartment, Aiba set down the garbage bag and the gaudy red birthday binder he was carrying.

"Alright, Sho-chan, I'm going to blindfold you and put you in my room while we get set up. Just be patient, and we'll be in shortly."

Sho's heart started to beat faster when Satoshi-kun helped him get his blindfold on. Some bizarre birthday surprise was on its way, Sho suspected. But why did he have to be blindfolded? Why did he have to be sequestered in Aiba's room - especially because it smelled a bit like dirty socks, and Sho wasn't too fond of the stink.

He wondered if things would have been different if he'd rolled something besides a six.

\--

It was a lot warmer in Aiba's room, and Sho thought he'd been sitting there on Aiba's bed for nearly an hour. With his sight gone, he thought his other senses would have perked up considerably. Instead he'd been subjected to muffled shouts and complaints from the other room, mostly from Matsujun. What was going on? He'd been so diligent about wearing the blindfold, too, but he was this close to ripping the thing off and demanding that Aiba get the show on the road already. It was Sho's birthday, and it felt more like he was waiting at the dentist's office for a root canal. The tension, not knowing what awaited him, it was going to give him a heart attack if they kept him waiting any longer.

Finally, the grumbling outside seemed to die down, and there was a sharp knock at the door. Sho dutifully left his blindfold on because Aiba hadn't told him otherwise yet. Finally something was happening!

"What is it? Who's there?" he asked the darkness.

The bedroom door opened and closed. "Leave it on," he heard Jun say as soon as Sho reached for the edges of the blindfold. If he hadn't been nervous as hell before, now that it was just him and Jun alone in here he was going to have a stroke.

"M-m-matsujun?" he asked weakly, fingering the stupid sash Aiba had made him wear. "What's going on anyhow? Is Aiba making a cake out there? What's taking so long?"

Sho was interrupted mid-complaint by Jun's hand grasping his chin. If Sho was blind and deaf, he'd still know it was Jun thanks to the obnoxious ring that had just scraped his skin. "I want it to be known, Sho-kun," Jun said, "that I protested this completely. But out of some misguided desire to see you happy on your birthday, I've done as Aiba wanted, much as it pains me."

Sho cocked his head, confused. "The hell are you talking about?"

The blindfold was wrenched off his face, mussing his hair, and he blinked to readjust to the light in the room and the person standing before him. When he'd gotten in the van earlier, Jun had been wearing his dark coat and jeans. Now he was inexplicably dressed in a way too short police woman's outfit, one of the vinyl-y latex-y monstrosities that Nino and Aiba had rented to celebrate Sho's birthday last year during the concert in Fukuoka. Sho had spent the entire year wondering why Jun hadn't joined the others in dressing in the miniskirt police outfit, opting instead for the bulky costume he'd worn that evening.

But at least now he'd get to enjoy it. He couldn't even imagine how Aiba had had to bribe Jun to do it - or what kind of blackmail material Aiba had on him.

Jun looked mostly uncomfortable and angry, even as he stood there with a nightstick and fuzzy handcuffs. "I never wanted to do it this way."

"Do what?" Sho asked nervously.

Jun looked down at his unfortunate white ankle socks, the only glaring error in his miniskirt police attractiveness. "I have something to say to you. But I just didn't want to say it in front of everyone. And I guess Aiba-chan picked up on that. He made sure this plan on his list gave me the opportunity to talk to you one-on-one."

"Are you getting married?" Sho blurted out, nearly tearing the birthday sash in his hand. "I mean, it's great if you are and all..."

"I like you."

Sho stared at him, at the stupid police sunglasses that were blocking his eyes, at the jaunty police hat on his head.

"Things have been a little strange between us lately," Jun admitted. "Policewoman costumes included. Anyway, I suppose it's my fault because I don't really know what to do about liking you. I mean, since we're grown men and Arashi and all, and I'd never want to make you feel uncomfortable. But well, now that you've seen me dressed like this against my will, I suppose me admitting my feelings can't possibly be as uncomfortable as that, right?"

Sho felt warm, nothing but warm as he got to his feet and nervously reached for Jun's hand. "I like you, too." Jun squeezed back, and it seemed like all of Sho's anxiety washed away.

At that, there was the sound of celebration out in the living room, the pair of them blushing as Satoshi-kun, Aiba, and Nino were obviousy cheering after listening at the door like a bunch of creeps. Despite that weirdness, Sho couldn't help walking to the door and turning the lock.

He looked back at Jun, holding out his wrists. He thought of possible Sakurai Sho's in other places, Sakurai Sho's who'd rolled one through five. Were all their dreams coming true (even the Jun in a policewoman costume dream he hadn't managed to suppress well enough to keep Aiba off the trail)?

As Jun closed the fuzzy cuffs on Sho's wrists, pronouncing him under arrest, Sho smiled. 

"This really is the best birthday ever."


End file.
